I don't remember when it came to me, nor do I remember the circumstances. I do know that in the long process of discernment prior to becoming a postulant for ordination to the priesthood, in answering the question "What can you do as a priest that you can't do as a lay person?" the thought came to me, "I can give it away". I can give away the priesthood.
That calling got me into hot water a few times. Some thought I meant giving away the sacraments to the unordained (imagine!). Others were concerned that it meant I have no boundaries (those who know me are having a good laugh at that idea right now!). Still more wanted me to use the word "share" instead of "give away". My own seminary advisor coached me to say share "in order to get ordained - whatever it takes." He did so knowing what it would cost me - my integrity. And I came to understand what he meant. It was too soon for the institution to hear that a priest wanted to give away the priesthood. Best to use a word that keeps everyone in the same room, although not necessarily on the same page.
In practice I have struggled with giving away the priesthood. I know that I want every baptized person to know that they are priests by virtue of their baptism. I am only an icon of what we all are. And I have struggled with how little understanding the people of God have when I tell them they are priests. So I began with marriages.
I have only one homily for weddings - Saint David of Wales. It is said he went from cottage to cottage dressed in ordinary clothes. He took the bread from the oven and a bottle of wine from the cottagers' cellar and he sat at the kitchen table with the household seated around with him and he facing them and they celebrated communion in that homely place and in that homely way. Then I tell my couples that from this day forward they are the celebrants at their home table. Whenever they share a meal together, especially with others, they are the celebrants of communion.
When I have supper in a parishioner's home I try to encourage them to say the grace and not have me do it. At their own table, they are the priest and I am a communicant. At work they are the priest, the icon of Jesus, not me. At play. In school. In retirement.
But, and in the Diocese of Connecticut we are being schooled not to use that word "but", and still I will use it here - But, I discovered the most quietly revolutionary thing I have done in fifteen years of ordained life is to use the word "with".
From my first days as a curate at the Cathedral Church of Saint John in Wilmington, Delaware (now closed), where I was Children's Minister and Chaplain to the Choir School Children and the Children of the Brandywine Village Neighborhood, while all those around me were using the phrase "ministry to children", I was saying, "With". Ministry with children.
Ministry with Spanish speaking people. Ministry with those without homes. Ministry with the Pastoral Care Team. Ministry with the Practicing Prayer group. Ministry with Family and Children's Agency. Ministry with the Vestry. Ministry with Mission Congregation. Ministry with, with, with.
The word "share" implies that I keep some of what I have, as though the quality "priesthood" is finite and if I give it away, there won't be any left for me. Well, that would be fine with me if I actually succeed in giving away the priesthood. But my experience has been that there is plenty of it left even when I do succeed in giving it away. In the same way there is a difference between "to" and "with". "To" implies ministry is mine to give, but I hold onto it at the same time. "With" means we all share in the same quality and we are doing this thing together.
If I minister to Spanish speaking people I am above them. I'm taking care of them. If I minister with them, we learn together, we get to know one another as equals, we do things together with yet other vulnerable ones.
There are times when I appear to minister to. People who are dying, or are hungry, or hurting, are in need. And yet, as I minister to them, they are ministering to me by giving me the opportunity to share with them in their vulnerability. In my appearance of strength, they let me know my own vulnerability and to value it. Even in "to", it is "with".
This week I ran across an article at the blog Episcopal Cafe by Sara Miles which echoed what has been the hallmark of ministry for me all these years. It's called
"The Most Important Word in the Bible". That word is "with". Go there and read Sara's words. She doesn't use my phrase, but she is talking about giving away the priesthood. And her article makes this chapter a
with endeavor.
To my fellow clergy, there is plenty of work for us to do. Giving away the priesthood will not diminish that amount of work. There will be still more to whom to give it away and more to teach how to give away, themselves, what priesthood has been given to them. And if, in the end, we work ourselves out of a job, Hallelujah, I say! For the Reign of God will have been accomplished on that day
.
